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KNEE NEWS, KNOT GOOD NEWS

August 5, 2010

I am tired of this new knee. Take it back…

I really didn’t mean that, it just popped out! The thing is,

I haven’t exactly reached the standard that the Doctors have made–They have set the bar at

HOW FAR CAN THE KNEE BEND–  They want 120 degrees by the tenth week.

OK so Me–Little Miss Doomed-to-fail, had the WORST EVER trip just trying to get to the doctor’s appointment!

I had rented a car and gave myself PLENTY of time to get to Napa, which is about 4 hours.  The rental car guy DID NOT

open the car doors in front of me…something I plan to ALWAYS INSIST ON…FROM NOW ON!

The farging KEYLOCK CRAPPY KEYCHAIN THINGY—had a dead battery.  I found out THIS important piece of information, when I had stopped to pee outside of Red Bluff (first leg of the trip leg-lifting).

I know that these roadside rest stops can be dangerous places. Here is the first lesson:  (are ya listening?)

ALWAYS TAKE YOUR PHONE INTO THE BATHROOM.

CAPISH?

Here’s what happened:  I had the thing in my hand, a little plastic tchotchke that had a button to open the door and the trunk.

You stuck this toy in a hole on the dash and it worked, like one of those big plastic babytoy keys.

I got out–made the trip–returned to the car        **CLICKED**       AND……

NOTHING!!!

The battery in the toy key was dead! The trunk button did not work. The door button did not work. The PANIC button did not work (I felt my own personal and internal panic button about to go off BIGTIME!)

My phone was safely stowed INSIDE the car (where it was both safe and useless).  I was stuck, stuck stuck!

THEN……

Biggles apparently came to the rescue because I had a dim view (I always take a rather dim view of these sorts of activities)    of actually FINDING some sort of dinky, cheap and temporary key’let included somewhere…..

AHHHH YESSSS MY LITTLE CHICADEES…….

I am glad that I checked BEFORE calling a tow truck. I wasted a good 20 minutes monkeying around before I thought

to check but there it was: a baby key hidden in the secret compartment!!  All of this would’ve been NICE to have been MENTIONED

at the rental car place!!!!!   (FROWNY FACE!)   { *  ~  * }

OK…I’m over it. I got in, got back on the road, made a mental note to yell at that guy later.

THE RUNNING OUT OF GAS PART…..

OK…THAT part was me.

I don’t know what happened. I thought I had enough gas but turns out I should’ve  stopped in Williams…

So there I was, stuck on the side of the road in a rental car with NO CELL PHONE SIGNAL!!

Luckily a nice man stopped to pick me up. I barely made note of where the car WAS (feeling at that point like I never

wanted to see it again!) but I got in and this guy gave me a ride to the junction of highways.  There, he said my phone would work

and I could call for assistance.  He was going the other way.  I thanked him THANKS!!  For the ride.I was beginning to suffer the effects

of hours of standing by the roadside on a hot July day with my knee getting stiff and swollen…no pain pills could be taken (as no food was available and those things ATTACK my stomach!)

I called the hospital and they sent a nice young man named Kyle to pick me up.  Once I was settled into my appointment, we could begin.

SO….Gretchen the PA saw me in my LEAST MOBILE TIME OF DAY and AFTER A HARROWING, EVERYTHING-WENT HORRIBLY-WRONG DAY

and she didn’t like what she saw in that my ability to bend my knee was almost zero.  DUHHHH!!!!

It was a hopeless effort, futile even!    I had brought myself to the end of my ability by 4pm every afternoon. This was the time of day reserved for icing swollen knees and napping…in order for her to get a CLEAR AND CONCISE reading of my actual level/degree of bend…it should’ve been EARLY in the day, AFTER limbering up stretches and exercises and AFTER two pain pills!!!

I had none of these luxuries

Gretchen was immediately disappointed with my progress or lack thereof. She got busy ordering up a procedure…

One that now strikes TERROR in my HEART!!!     (yes, I do SO have one.)

MANIPULATION PROCEDURE

I do not want this!!!!!  She said I HAD to HAVE it done.  Now wait…wait. Let’s think about this for a minute.

I am at 6 weeks after surgery.  The procedure, which is where they sedate you and then BEND THE SNOT out of your knee while you are in LALA LAND…and then maybe CUT you in your incision (EWWWW!) if they need to so you have

to give permission for that too. NO NO NO THANK YOU NO!!!

It has been my goal, these past two weeks…

To work my ever-lovin BUTT off to get more flexibility and BEND in my knee…in order to quell the murmuring rumors about having to be PROCEDURED…

I worked

I worked HARD!

I even STUDIED FOR THIS TEST LIKE I HAVE NEVER STUDIED BEFORE!

I hope to pass….

Last Tuesday my PT was able to stretch it (with me digging my nails into the table)

to the required 120 degrees that the Doctors want to see by ten weeks following surgery.

They even got me all the way up to 125…thanks for the extra nickel!  It all helps.

In order to “study” here is what I did:

4 days in a row I worked out for 1-2 hours on the machines to stretch my knee.

3 days I went swimming and walked around the water, strengthening the knee

oh! and one of those days spent playing at the REDDING AQUATIC CENTER

Have ya been there? It is a

BLAST

TODAY IS THURSDAY

Today is my actual TEST…a few hours at therapy followed by that GRIPPING THE TABLE DANCE

where they are pushing and I am crying…               (just like with sex…)    GRIN

That will be this afternoon. I am keeping my (knees) FINGERS crossed to see if they can get that same

amount of 120 degrees of flexibility. Then my Doctors get a progress report~~~~

…and maybe then they will leave me ALONE!!!!  No more talk about Procedures….really….I find the whole affair

QUITE DISTASTEFUL!


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One Comment leave one →
  1. Pat Hudson-Sommers permalink
    August 6, 2010 12:55 am

    Deb, it WILL get better, you have to exercise and stay on top of it all the time….I know it hurts but it will hurt more if they have to manipulate it! YOU CAN DO IT!

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